I have talked to a few people who have had a liver transplant and most have felt guilt about the other person who has died so that I could live. I honestly haven't really felt that guilt. Now im feeling guilty because I don't feel guilty! What the crap is going on? Should I feel guilty?
First the definition of guilt:
guilt (gĭlt):
n.
1. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.
2. Law. Culpability for a crime or lesser breach of regulations that carries a legal penalty.
3.
1. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
2. Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
4. Guilty conduct; sin.
I do not feel that I have committed an offense, nor feel like I should have to be penalized, nor do I feel that I have done anything wrong, or am inadequate, and I definitely do not feel that i have sinned by taking the liver from the person and family who donated it at a time of heartache. (If that is a run-on sentence, someone correct it and I will edit!) So with that said I do not feel guilt about the situation. I am only feeling guilt because it seems everyone else has felt guilt. I feel sort of alone and like there is a big spotlight on me when I am asked the guilt question and I say I dont feel guilty. People seem to look at me as hard hearted and cold. That is definitely not the case! Those who know me, know that I am probably soft-hearted to a fault and have let people run over me in the past when I should have stood up for myself. Now for my peace of mind and for everyone else...here is my explanation (which I DO NOT feel is needed) of why I do not feel guilty about getting my liver.
I do not feel that God made a choice between me and the other person. I know nothing about that person, but I hope that the time they had here on Earth was well spent. I plan on living my life with a purpose of making them and thier family proud. I hope to make a difference in some person's life and to let that family know that they made the right choice by donating thier loved one's organs. I feel that I have an alloted amount of time on Earth with which God has blessed me. I do not know when that time will end, but I think that God has left me here because he has a purpose for my life. I do not think God takes a life in a choice between two people but because all things happen for His purpose. If God can no longer use me to be a light to someone or help further the cause of Christ then he can take me. I'll leave my organs here and let them use what they can.
Well, that was a definite ramble and writing what is in my head at the moment. Feel free to comment and correct any grammatical errors....I would love to hear what people are thinking. Sorry for the glum tone....just needed to get that out. I feel much better now! Thank you.....hope you have a wonderful day!
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The exciting life of a liver transplant recipient.
Life of a Carpenter's son
I have started a new personal blog. I decided to keep this blog to mainly talk about organ donation issues and things that are happening in my life concerning the transplant. Click the title to go to my new page,
Life of a Carpenter's son.
Life of a Carpenter's son.
About Me
- Josh Carpenter
- I am a 27 year old 5th grade teacher. I had a liver transplant on March 26, 2006. I love to be outdoors whether it is fishing, gardening, hiking, or any other thing that I can do in the sunshine. I live in the North Georgia Mountains, otherwise known as God's Country.
5 comments:
Hey Joshie, Sorry but I don't see any need for guilt! I feel that God has a plan for each of us and our time on earth is for some sort of purpose. The person's liver that you received had their time here on earth. And because of people like them you have a chance to live your life! I hope you know that I'll always be here for you and I love ya bunches!!! Love ya Ness (by the way you spelled their wrong I think in the 2nd paragraph) :~)
You are very wise, Josh.
And, you are an inspiration. I believe that you ARE here for a reason as we all are, and God definitely didn't "choose" because he chooses us ALL. We are just shosen for different tasks. That's all.
You're Amazing,
Kerry Rolen
Josh, the decision to donate an organ, whether we decide to donate it after we die or while we're still alive, is a gift. And just like any gift, we give it freely. It should equally be received freely, and appreciated and enjoyed and cherished. I know (at least, I like to think I know) that the person who gave you their liver wouldn't want it any other way. I wouldn't. And I pretend to know a thing or two about these things. I vote no guilt! I vote celebration and moving on to the rest of your normal life! Peace, Becky
do you know what? first of all josh, you are so very insightful for blogging on this topic. the transplant centers don't really give us the heads up on how the guilt issue can be addressed, do they? secondly, i am glad you stood up and said that you don't feel guilty about anything. i am not as strong as you are. i'd been trying to make myself feel guilty about my transplant for the last 3 years. i've even gone to the point of telling others that i feel guilty, just to kind of address the guilt question before they do. its only been recently that i feel comfortable with not feeling guilty about living. i mean, deep down i never really questioned "why me?" or had deep thoughts about why i was still around and my donor was not...because i already knew why.
you know how it is...our christian roots taught us that we are here to submit ourselves to God so he can further his plan on earth, and that once we've let him do his work through us we get to go home to him. i know that's where my donor is. God accomplished things through him and called him home. in fact, i still think today my donor is doing God's work. why? because i was pretty much dead...and then all of the sudden i was OK again. and i think that brought alot of people around me closer to Christ, including myself. alot of my friends & family started going to church/praying/believing either again or for the first time in their lives after my transplant. in giving me his liver, my donor probably saved the souls of at least 10 other people. His work is done. Mine is not. Neither is yours. hey you know this already! and isn't it going to be great finding out what our purpose is!
So what i'm saying is I guess maybe our faith is what helps us not feel guilty. People are going to say what they're gonna say.they have no idea the swirl of issues and emotions and drama and chaos and swings we've been through; many of them may not have the religious background we do & that's why they feel we should feel guilty for being alive, or that we should feel like we owe somebody something. so to them i say walk a mile in our shoes and then you can judge us! ;)
kudos to your and your blog. two enthusiastic thumbs up! you're doing such a great thing here and you're probably helping a ton of people out there in just knowing they aren't the only ones going through this! you've taught me something today!
PS: You know we have to work on Steebs. He's an agnostic. I know he's a man of science, but still...
I found your Blog from searching "Transplant Recipients Blogging" in google. I am so touched by everything I'm reading. It's actually chilling to read someone else's words sound like me talking, word for word. Now, I'm not just talking about this "Guilt" blog.
I'm 22 and I've had 2 kidney transplants. And been having some trouble lately, and I came online tonight to search to see if anyone has had some of the symptoms I've had. But anyway, I can talk all night and I will just look like a chatter box rambling about everything and nothing all at once.
I wish you the best of luck, and your writing it awesome! Keep it up, and stay positive!! Your words definitely touched my heart. My e-mail is imaggiesayz@aol.com drop an e-mail sometime!
Margaret
Chicago,IL
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