Flying and Overhaulin'

I took my brother to the airport yesterday so he could fly out to LA to be on the TV show, Overhaulin'. He was so nervous on the ride to the airport. I was reminded of my first time flying. I couldn't help but laugh at him as he turned more and more pale the closer we came to the security checkpoint. For those of you who know Craig, you know that he is extremely shy. He makes me look like im a politician. He was flying out with a group of people he had never met which only made him more nervous.

I was excited for him though a little bit jealous. Flying is something that we never really had the opportunity to do growing up. I love flying and would do it whenever I am given the chance.

He called this morning and said that flying was awesome. He has always been the type to say "If God intended me to fly, he would have given me wings." I knew that if he ever got up there he would love it too. It was fun to hear him talk about the clouds, and the little squares that make up the country, and all the water that you can see when you are that high up. Makes me want to hop a flight for a day just to see it again. I haven't flown in over a year and after going to the airport yesterday, I have gotten the itch!



Went by my work today to get my classroom gift card and try to decorate a little. Not much of a decorator as you probably suspected so I more or less just straitened up the mess that was left since I had to move classrooms.

I am not sure that I am ready to go back to work. I have had a long time off (since April) and you would think I would be itching to go back......but I'm not!! Part of me is ready to get off the couch but I am definitely not ready to have to get up early again every morning to get ready for a long day. I know most of you are telling me to shut up right now and that is okay. I chose my profession!


Warning: Too much fun can be hazardous to your health

Sorry for the delay in blogging! Tuesday was an awesome day and has taken me until now to blog it for a number of reasons.

Tuesday morning, I had a great time eating breakfast with some friends who I rarely get to see. We had a great time laughing about old times, catching up, and talking about what we plan on doing in the future. At one time, I felt like we were kids again talking about what we were going to be when we grow up. Its funny how even when you grasp one dream it seems there is another waiting. In high school, we wanted to graduate college, now we all want the job that will make us happy, and different things in life that we are all hoping to have one day. I hope that we never stop dreaming because as long as we are dreaming we are living.

After breakfast, I left to go to El Maguey to eat lunch with another couple of friends I rarely get to talk to. We had a great time as well catching up and joking around though lunch was cut short because as I forget not everyone is a teacher and have to get back to work. I hope that we get to have lunch again soon so we can catch up more.

Now the story begins....(I'll make this short).......I left lunch after a great morning and came home to sit down for a bit and relax. As I sat down, I started to feel nauseous and I just figured it was something I ate and brushed it off. As the day, wore on I realized that I was getting a fever and went to take my temp and it was 101.5.(not good 4 months out of transplant) I hoped it would pass but I only got sicker and sicker. I became dizzy and even more nauseous and the fever wasn't going away so I called Mom and off we went to Emory University. When I got there and went through the whole ER deal, they decided to keep me for a couple of days to make sure that everything was okay. Needless to say, after a ton of bloodwork, I have a virus that I am currently trying to shake. I'm okay and I should be back to regular blogging now! I know you are excited.

To my friends that I had breakfast and lunch with......had more fun than you will ever realize and so glad that we got to spend some time catching up and talking about everything under the sun!


Dedicated People

People are dedicated to their workouts.....yesterday was definitely proof of that.

96 degrees....hot, humid Georgia day in July....where do I want to be? A pool, the lake, anywhere with AC or some cool water I can jump in! Anywhere, except a gym with no AC making myself even more miserable than i already am.

There are a lot of people out there who aren't like ol' Josh! These folks came in like soldiers and did their workout, even though the temperature inside was slightly cooler than outside but with very little air moving so the temperature difference was nullified. Crazy people!

Im proud of those people but don't really care to be one of them! It doesn't hurt my feelings to have to miss a workout on occasion! Glad to know there are some troopers out there though!


Guilt (deep blog)

I have talked to a few people who have had a liver transplant and most have felt guilt about the other person who has died so that I could live. I honestly haven't really felt that guilt. Now im feeling guilty because I don't feel guilty! What the crap is going on? Should I feel guilty?

First the definition of guilt:

guilt (gĭlt):

1. The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.
2. Law. Culpability for a crime or lesser breach of regulations that carries a legal penalty.
1. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
2. Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
4. Guilty conduct; sin.

I do not feel that I have committed an offense, nor feel like I should have to be penalized, nor do I feel that I have done anything wrong, or am inadequate, and I definitely do not feel that i have sinned by taking the liver from the person and family who donated it at a time of heartache. (If that is a run-on sentence, someone correct it and I will edit!) So with that said I do not feel guilt about the situation. I am only feeling guilt because it seems everyone else has felt guilt. I feel sort of alone and like there is a big spotlight on me when I am asked the guilt question and I say I dont feel guilty. People seem to look at me as hard hearted and cold. That is definitely not the case! Those who know me, know that I am probably soft-hearted to a fault and have let people run over me in the past when I should have stood up for myself. Now for my peace of mind and for everyone else...here is my explanation (which I DO NOT feel is needed) of why I do not feel guilty about getting my liver.

I do not feel that God made a choice between me and the other person. I know nothing about that person, but I hope that the time they had here on Earth was well spent. I plan on living my life with a purpose of making them and thier family proud. I hope to make a difference in some person's life and to let that family know that they made the right choice by donating thier loved one's organs. I feel that I have an alloted amount of time on Earth with which God has blessed me. I do not know when that time will end, but I think that God has left me here because he has a purpose for my life. I do not think God takes a life in a choice between two people but because all things happen for His purpose. If God can no longer use me to be a light to someone or help further the cause of Christ then he can take me. I'll leave my organs here and let them use what they can.

Well, that was a definite ramble and writing what is in my head at the moment. Feel free to comment and correct any grammatical errors....I would love to hear what people are thinking. Sorry for the glum tone....just needed to get that out. I feel much better now! Thank you.....hope you have a wonderful day!


Update on me

I love talking about myself....whoooooo!!! Precisely the reason why I haven't blogged in forever. Oh well....lets get this one out of the way and then i can continue with my blog about things in my head and I can sneak in a blog where i talk about me....haha! Put me under some camouflage so you all have to actually read this thing since im putting sooooo much time into it. Janine stop laughing because im gonna keep this going this time! I have survived through PSC.....whats ADD got on me? Ill beat it too!

Ok.....me....hmmmm....doing awesome after the surgery! According to my bloodwork, I am normal as can be. My liver numbers are within normal range and mostly on the low side which is a good thing. My color is still normal, my eyes are white, and my scar is small compared to the monstrous one I had pictured in my mind. So according to my bloodwork, I am "healthy as a horse."

Physically, I honestly feel so much better than I did before the surgery and I guess I should be happy because I expected recovery to be a lot harder than it has been. I have had no serious bouts of rejection or even had to be hospitalized again, so I am thankful to God for all of that. I honestly believe that my faith, and the faith and prayers of others, have been what have allowed me to recover so well so fast. With that said, things are still going slow! I fatigue very quickly and have lost a ton of strength. I have been trying to work my way back into some cardio workouts and lifting light weights on occasion. It is hard and embarrassing when you know what you have done in the past and can barely do 1/10th of that now. I know it will come back but I have never been the model of patience. I am trying to learn some patience now and take things easier even though I want to push myself harder than I am able to.

I am tired of taking medicine and will be glad when September gets here and I can come off some of the medication I am on. I passed 100 days since the transplant on July 4th so that was a huge milestone for me. Didn't mean much to others but to me...it was a big deal. I have set goals for myself which i plan on defining in a checklist in a later post so I can add to and check off as we go along. The next big milestone for me is September 26, which will be 6 months! By then I will have gone back to teaching and hopefully be in a regular workout routine. Hopefully I can find a partner to work out with that won't be held back by my lightweight. I may need to find a girl to be my partner....seems my workout is more cardio with very light weight for now. I feel like a pansy now! Oh well....ill shut up for this post!

Long Time, No blog

I honestly doubt anyone is still checking my blog since it has been over three months since I have updated this thing.

If anyone is reading this you probably noticed a change in the address, title, and description......the shout out to j9 is strictly because she is the one who keeps hounding me to update people on how I am doing. Love you Janine!

Okay this may be a long one....I'm going to try and keep this up and give people an idea of what is going on in my head concerning the transplant, as well as everyday life. I was talking to my transplant mentor the other day and she said it would be good for me to journal my thoughts. I thought, "Hey, thats a good idea!" After I got off the phone with her I was thinking about how I wanted to do my journaling.

Most of you know I am a very shy person and probably have a moderate to severe case of social anxiety disorder. With that said, why not let the world know whats going on in my head by putting it on the internet, right!? Yeah I'm probably crazy but we will see how this goes.

Okay...forget that about this being a long one...ill just make a few short ones tonight! I'm hungry so im getting something to eat!