Since my last post I have had a couple of tests ran and they all came back with no problems to report. I am thankful for that because this entire transplant process seems to be so finicky about what you can and cannot do. I am trying my best to stay within my bounds and do the things I am supposed to do.
Anyways, I got the letter last Tuesday that said I am now on the liver transplant list. I read this letter out loud in front of the family the other night not really knowing what it was and almost threw up when I read the words, "You have been activated on the UNOS liver transplant list." I knew it was coming as everyone did, but every time I get a little farther into the process there is a sickening feeling that comes over me. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for being on the list and the opportunity to be put on the list, but that doesn't take away from the fact that this surgery is HUGE. I get nervous from time to time, not about the surgery itself but about the recovery and knowing it is going to be a long, hard road back. I can't help but think of my grandpa and his lung surgeries and the two hard trips he has been through. It was a long and painful road, physically for him and emotionally for the entire family. I just hate the fact that because of me the family will be going through the same thing again.
I also got my beeper yesterday, which was just another step in the process. When Mom showed it to me I almost got sick again. The beeper is my constant reminder of what is going to happen in the very near future. I have been told that the average wait time in my area for a liver is 3 months. I am trying to prepare myself for getting my new liver sometime between 2 to 4 months from now. I wonder if I will be ready when the beeper goes off.
I have to go next week to a support group meeting and some sort of orientation class. Those meetings usually calm me down for a few days because I can pretend that I have a better grasp of what is going on and what is going to happen.
Well, I have rambled enough and now im just typing random thoughts. I'll have more to say later I am sure.
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